My Will

What is my will? What is God’s will as in “Thy will be done”? Let me follow His example! I’m a drunk. I make terrible decisions. A lot of those decisions are the reasons that I’m sitting in this meeting tonight. I want to give up my will and let His will be done. Let me be his hands to do his work. Don’t let me choose my own path. It won’t end well.

“I was held against my will.”

is an interesting expression. Getting held against one’s will is probably for a good reason. Again, sounds to me like proof that my will was being fueled by poor decision-making. Drinking, getting into trouble, getting arrested, getting held against my will. See the process?

“I felt like I was drinking against my will.”

They say that “one drink is too many and a thousand never enough.” I would start with one, thoroughly enjoy it, and then order another. It always fell into the old pattern that the following drinks were never enough or nearly as enjoyable. Surely, the next drink that followed would be the best one yet.

“Things never go my way.”

Words always come out wrong or not as intended.  Grand plans just seem to go in the dumpster.  I just never thought it would turn out like this.  If things don’t go my way, then why do I have to have a way? 

A New Strategy

Instead of chasing that unobtainable high, instead of pouring another, maybe it’s better to find a new goal. Instead of chasing euphoria, I’d like to look for serenity. Instead of looking for happiness, I’d like to find serenity.  I’ll turn my will over to God and let Him guide me in my everyday affairs.