I Can’t Lie Anymore

Who is My God?

My Great-Grandfather was a Methodist minister. I only remember him from when I was very, very young. He taught me a lot about God. It was from him that I learned God is everywhere. He taught me that God was in everything around me, in the trees, in the air, in the ground, in the flowers, and in the people around me but most of all God was within me. God was a part of me. My Great-grandfather taught me that when I pray I should not ask for things from God but instead I should thank God for what he has given me.

For God has given us everything. He created me. He created the world. He created my family. He created love. I can be thankful for everything in my life. That was what my grandfather taught me. He taught me to be thankful for everything. If I found myself in prayer and I had nothing to be thankful for then I needed to be thinking and not praying. Did I have nothing to appreciate? Maybe it was just my friends and family. Maybe just be thankful for the warm sunshine and the cool grass. Maybe just be thankful for the warm bed in which I was about to spend the night. I should live every day being grateful for all that he has given me.

I Found My Higher Power

Among other things, Alcoholics Anonymous makes two suggestions. One is that sobriety comes from a program of “brutal honesty”. The second suggestion is that I should seek a Higher Power. “God could and would if He were sought.” For me when it comes to choosing a Higher Power, that’s separate from God.
I need my Higher Power to keep me sober.

A big part of my sobriety comes from being honest. AA is a program of rigorous honesty and I’m learning a lot about honesty in the program. I need to be honest with myself. I need to be honest with those around me but mostly I need to be honest with myself. And, in that way, my Higher Power is these rooms. When I was drinking I was constantly lying. Well, not constantly but always lying when I was talking about drinking. Alcoholics are liars.

I would lie to my wife and tell her that I wasn’t drinking. In becoming sober, I’m learning to replace that behavior. I’m learning to become very truthful. I’ve had to be truthful with myself, with my wife, and with my Higher Power.

In those instances, my Higher Power is G.O.D. Not the God that I’ve been talking about, but G.O.D. It’s an acronym for Group Of Drunks. These drunks are my fellows who have learned to stay sober by doing many of the same things. I found that I’ve had to be honest with everyone when I open my mouth and share at an AA meeting.

Source of Honesty

When I’m speaking before a room, I don’t think I’d be able to lie. I don’t think I would get away with it. My audience knows me too well. They’re all liars, too. Never bullshit a bullshitter. We all know how to lie. We all know how to see a liar. But I guess when it came to my wife, the sober one in the partnership, I thought I could get away with it. And maybe I did for a long time–maybe I didn’t.

But, when I’m sharing in a meeting, it’s honesty. It is words from the heart. When I share my body is a conduit for the words of God, for the words coming from my mouth, coming from the god within me
That’s my Spiritual Revelation. I’m revealing the part of god within myself with words and God only speaks honesty. When I’m in these rooms I can only be honest.

Those Anniversary Chips

There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of my ever picking up a drink and then standing up during anniversary celebrations and collecting a chip. Now, granted, my anniversary coins are only tallying months at this point, but those aluminum coins mean so much to me. And hearing those silly coins jingling in my pocket every day (because I carry them with me every day) reminds me of what I’m doing.

What I’m doing is getting sober so that I can be a better person–for the people around me but mostly for my wife. Those chips remind me to be honest and they remind me that I found a better way of life for us.