Tackling AA’s Fifth Step

 “Admitted to God, to oneself, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

So, I wrote “my list” – my list of personal defects, foibles, mistakes, and imperfections.  For days, I scribbled it down in my notebook that I carry with me. Everytime I thought of another one of my “issues”, I’d pull out the notebook. Once I was satisfied that the list was suficiently complete, I discussed it at length with my sponsor.  I asked my wife if she thought it was complete.  I even blogged about it!

Next part, I admitted it to myself.  The very process of writing it down is a process of admission.  I wouldn’t write it if I didn’t think it was true.  So far, so good.

An Alcoholic Prayer

Finally, I need to admit it to God. Do I have to say it aloud?  Can I offer it in silent prayer?  Praying silently in your head counts as prayer!  Apparently, that’s how drunks pray!  Take a look at this:

I Samuel 1:10,17

10 In her deep anguish, Hannah prayed to the LORD, weeping bitterly.
11 And she made a vow, saying, “LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”
12 As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth.
13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving, but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk
14 and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”
15 “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD.
16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
17 Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”

So, you can offer your prayer to God, silently.

I know that my God is omnipresent and reads this blog, so I ask:

Almighty God, my inventory has shown me who I am, I admit to my wrongs, yet I ask for Your help in admitting my wrongs to another person and to You. Assure me, and be with me, in this step, for without this step I cannot progress in my recovery. With Your help, I can do this.

Amen.